Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
