Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
