When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
