is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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