Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
