Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
