i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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