I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize