that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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