i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
