It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
