Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
