Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
