Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
