People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
