pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This house was built for laser tag.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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