The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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