i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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