I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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