ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
