i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
