somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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