You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
