the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
