Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
