he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
