I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
