i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
