I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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