Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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