If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
