that's an acceptable place to lick
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
