ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
