i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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