A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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