how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
