these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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