I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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