Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
