At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
