There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
