He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
