Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
