How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
