operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
