i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
seriously i just wanna be friends
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he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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