When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
