I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
