do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
