the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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