I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
