I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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