My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
how drunk are you?
Several
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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