my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
