he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
