You just made me feel so damn special
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
