You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
