how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
