Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
