I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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