I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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