All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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