hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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