just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
