i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can you bring me the toilet please
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
