Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
