Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
