I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
