I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My vagina is officially offended.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
