The best revenge is premature balding
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
