Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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