So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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