Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
